slipstreaming my anachronistic surreal consciousness - sharing with you my multiple epiphanies that were spawned while sitting on my porcelain throne (these are the ones I didn't flush) "don't believe everything you think…"
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Poison Pen Letters™
when I used to collect offbeat greeting cards, this was my favorite brand. I first saw them over 15 yrs. ago in Hong Kong.
I here are my favorite ones (which is almost all of them):
6101 You are cordially invited to… EAT SHIT AND DIE!
6102 Sorry to hear of your depression… Now snap out of it!
6103 Just a note to let you know… you have an enemy out there.
6104 Just a note to let you know… you owe me an apology.
6105 Just a note to let you know… you have a great ass!
6106 Thank you for the job interview… ASSHOLE
6107 Congratulations… funny how shit rises to the top.
6108 You're so sexy… and yet so shallow.
6109 Happy Birthday… It’s time you got your shit together!
6110 Thank you for the lovely dinner… I should be out of the hospital in a few days.
6111 The sex was sweet… Short… but sweet.
6112 May I ask you a personal question? Wanna fuck?
6113 May I ask you a personal question? Wanna do it?
6114 Sorry to hear you're sick… but we always knew that!
6115 Words fail me… (MIDDLE FINGER GRAPHIC)
6116 It's nice to know there are people like you… whose shit doesn't stink.
6117 You need a vacation… Go to hell!
6118 Sorry I forgot your birthday… but what the fuck?!
6120 There's a time and a place for everything… I know a place.
6121 Fuck off! I feel much better now.
6122 Dinner was great! The sex wasn't bad either.
6123 A penny for your thoughts… A hundred bucks for your body!
6125 You're a sex machine… For maintenance, please call _________
6126 I'm just a shy woman… with nymphomaniacal tendencies.
6127 I think of you… whenever I step in dog-doo.
6128 I love you… but you can be a real shit sometimes!
6129 I love you… There. I said it.
6130 I love you… and your tits, and your ass.
6131 I want to be just like you… only thinner, brighter and more successful!
6132 I didn't have time to wrap your gift… so I kept it.
6133 Guess what I'm giving you for you birthday… Not a goddamn thing!
6134 A Birthday Proverb: With age comes wisdom… You must be a walking encyclopedia.
6135 Happy Birthday! You're not getting any older… You're not getting any better either.
6136 Happy Birthday, Gorgeous! You still make heads turn… only now it's the other way!
6137 I've got a present for you… Your place or mine?
6140 Life's a bitch… and so are you.
6141 You are what you eat… Asshole.
6142 Pardon my French… but fuckez-vous!
6143 (HEART GRAPHIC) You break it, you pay for it.
6144 Dear… SHITHEAD
6146 You're the perfect couple… of assholes.
6147 Simon says… Make mad, passionate love to me.
6148 I'm just a shy guy… with a big dick.
6149 A Birthday Wish… Go to hell!
6150 I’m sorry… I ever met you.
6151 True love… You wouldn't know it if you stepped in it.
6152 Size does matter… and you're such a little person.
6153 You're sugar and spice… and an evil bitch!
6154 In my defense… I was temporarily insane.
6155 About the other night… Big mistake.
6156 You're at the top of my list… The shit list.
6157 You make love like a maestro… Too bad your baton's so small.
6158 I forgive you… but I'll never forget.
6159 Never change… but do shower.
6160 You're the one… The wrong one.
6162 The sex was great… but I'm looking for love.
6166 Don't talk dirty… unless you can back it up.
6167 Let's kiss… and not tell.
6168 How about a little… SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX ?
6169 I confess! You turn me on.
6171 Best Sex Ever! Guaranteed! Or your money back!
6172 No flirting! Unless you mean it.
6173 Sex Therapy… First lesson free.
6174 For a good time, call… me.
6175 You can't have it both ways… Not at once, anyway.
6176 You're so nasty! And I like that.
6177 Love your mind… Crave your body.
6178 Looking for love ...but great sex will do.
6179 Birthday Special!! Your sexual wish is my command.
Go here for the complete list.
I here are my favorite ones (which is almost all of them):
6101 You are cordially invited to… EAT SHIT AND DIE!
6102 Sorry to hear of your depression… Now snap out of it!
6103 Just a note to let you know… you have an enemy out there.
6104 Just a note to let you know… you owe me an apology.
6105 Just a note to let you know… you have a great ass!
6106 Thank you for the job interview… ASSHOLE
6107 Congratulations… funny how shit rises to the top.
6108 You're so sexy… and yet so shallow.
6109 Happy Birthday… It’s time you got your shit together!
6110 Thank you for the lovely dinner… I should be out of the hospital in a few days.
6111 The sex was sweet… Short… but sweet.
6112 May I ask you a personal question? Wanna fuck?
6113 May I ask you a personal question? Wanna do it?
6114 Sorry to hear you're sick… but we always knew that!
6115 Words fail me… (MIDDLE FINGER GRAPHIC)
6116 It's nice to know there are people like you… whose shit doesn't stink.
6117 You need a vacation… Go to hell!
6118 Sorry I forgot your birthday… but what the fuck?!
6120 There's a time and a place for everything… I know a place.
6121 Fuck off! I feel much better now.
6122 Dinner was great! The sex wasn't bad either.
6123 A penny for your thoughts… A hundred bucks for your body!
6125 You're a sex machine… For maintenance, please call _________
6126 I'm just a shy woman… with nymphomaniacal tendencies.
6127 I think of you… whenever I step in dog-doo.
6128 I love you… but you can be a real shit sometimes!
6129 I love you… There. I said it.
6130 I love you… and your tits, and your ass.
6131 I want to be just like you… only thinner, brighter and more successful!
6132 I didn't have time to wrap your gift… so I kept it.
6133 Guess what I'm giving you for you birthday… Not a goddamn thing!
6134 A Birthday Proverb: With age comes wisdom… You must be a walking encyclopedia.
6135 Happy Birthday! You're not getting any older… You're not getting any better either.
6136 Happy Birthday, Gorgeous! You still make heads turn… only now it's the other way!
6137 I've got a present for you… Your place or mine?
6140 Life's a bitch… and so are you.
6141 You are what you eat… Asshole.
6142 Pardon my French… but fuckez-vous!
6143 (HEART GRAPHIC) You break it, you pay for it.
6144 Dear… SHITHEAD
6146 You're the perfect couple… of assholes.
6147 Simon says… Make mad, passionate love to me.
6148 I'm just a shy guy… with a big dick.
6149 A Birthday Wish… Go to hell!
6150 I’m sorry… I ever met you.
6151 True love… You wouldn't know it if you stepped in it.
6152 Size does matter… and you're such a little person.
6153 You're sugar and spice… and an evil bitch!
6154 In my defense… I was temporarily insane.
6155 About the other night… Big mistake.
6156 You're at the top of my list… The shit list.
6157 You make love like a maestro… Too bad your baton's so small.
6158 I forgive you… but I'll never forget.
6159 Never change… but do shower.
6160 You're the one… The wrong one.
6162 The sex was great… but I'm looking for love.
6166 Don't talk dirty… unless you can back it up.
6167 Let's kiss… and not tell.
6168 How about a little… SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX ?
6169 I confess! You turn me on.
6171 Best Sex Ever! Guaranteed! Or your money back!
6172 No flirting! Unless you mean it.
6173 Sex Therapy… First lesson free.
6174 For a good time, call… me.
6175 You can't have it both ways… Not at once, anyway.
6176 You're so nasty! And I like that.
6177 Love your mind… Crave your body.
6178 Looking for love ...but great sex will do.
6179 Birthday Special!! Your sexual wish is my command.
Go here for the complete list.
